Losing My MIND

I gave full time photography a shot, but it didn't quite work out as I'd hoped. I'm still working at it and getting clients, but as of last week, I have a part time job M-T-W. I'm not happy about being back at a desk (that's not mine at home with my own computer) for 8 hour days, but it's a necessary evil right now. Maybe one day photography (or writing!) will be enough to pay the bills.

I forgot how exhausting and mentally taxing office work is (especially when you're in training!!). I come home and all I want to do is sleep. Or cry. grrr.

I hope my mental exhaustion doesn't cause me to lose momentum on my WIP. I've found it's been easier this week to revise what I've already written than come up with new material, so I guess I'll consider that progress. Fingers crossed I don't get overwhelmed feeling like there's too much on my plate (the cleanliness of my house is already suffering... sorry house) and stop working on it completely (Note to self: DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN).

Now, I'm off to a photo session (Another note to self: Don't schedule sessions after work again...). I hope you all are having a fabulous week and that you don't lose your mind too. :)

Oh, the Humidity! And Something is Creeping...

Just came back from a morning run, aka interval training.  I'm covered in a nice layer of wetness.  Wasn't it just a couple weeks ago I mentioned snow flurries and ice storms? Now we're pushing upper 70's and it's hard to breathe out there. Don't get me started on the pollen. I'm already sniffing Nasonex, or whatever it is.    I'm all for springtime and tan skin, but please leave the extra moisture and pollen where it came from.

So, my already low confidence level took quite the hit this weekend, and I'm slowly trying to recover.  How common is it to feel just mediocre at every thing you try to do?  It's really wearing on me.  If only I were independently wealthy and I could afford photography workshops and writing workshops and a personal trainer/chef. But then I suppose that I'd be complaining about everything being too easy. Grrr. I hate to think my funk is creeping back into my life, but I really think it's trying. It's discovered where I'm vulnerable and is sneaking in for the kill (of joy).

But I push on. Because what else is there to do? Certainly not give up. No. Just keep learning, just keep taking pictures, just keep writing. Just keep trying to get better. Grrr. It doesn't help that my birthday is this week and I'm another year closer to 30.  Birthdays just come faster and faster every year, don't they? I'm telling myself to just make the most of it--so I'm planning a Birthday Banner Bash! Watch for that announcement on Wednesday.

On a happy note, I wrote almost 1k words this weekend on my WIP.  So that's something. I've definitely been inspired to keep going with it.  I also had a couple of model sessions this weekend.  One was for a boutique's advertisement and omg, the son of the boutique owner has a crush on one of the models and he wanted all of his pictures to be with her. Someone talked the girl into kissing his cheek and here is how that went:

Bored?

I don't know the last time I was actually bored... but I feel like I've been boring y'all with my posts lately (though some of you have been exceptionally sweet, and I thank you for the grins).  I haven't been offering a whole lot of good writerliness as of late, and I hope to remedy that in the nearish future.  I'm going to unplug from this blog, for possibly a week.  I'm not going to get into detail, but there are some stresses (one in particular) weighing heavy on my mind these days and I found out today it's influencing my blood pressure.  (according to the eye doctor looking at my retinal scan [which was SO COOL!] - he said my blood vessels were larger than they should be, and asked if I was under stress.  Ha.  Let me tell you about my STRESS, I said.)

So I'm cutting back on a few things, to focus on some others and try somehow to calm down and relax.  You know what's funny... is that I'm usually not the one to get stressed about stuff.  If I do, it's temporary, like, a couple hours before something has to get done... but not prolonged like this.  And I feel like over the past several months, I've blogged about being under stress on multiple occasions.  The past couple of weeks, this has magnified, and apparently my body is now telling me to chill out. 

I may be able to share more with y'all next week when the $#@! hits the fan (don't worry, no one is sick or anything). 

As always, thanks for following.  Be back soon.

Not another funk...

I feel like I'm letting all my blogging buddies down.  I have been soooo slacking on blog reading, commenting, posting, writing....  I'm seriously missing all of you, but I'm having issues prioritizing at the moment. I'm very behind in critiques for one of my groups (I apologize again, fair ladies), I keep having to pay late fees on my library books... hubs has said several times this past week that he doesn't understand what kind of mood I'm in (I'm sorry...)... I don't understand it either. 

I know lately I've been extremely distressed about body image (as you all know from the previous post), and trying on bathing suits (I'm determined to swim laps several days a week this summer) today was mortifying... yet I managed to supress a melt-down.  I also wonder if the foods I've stopped eating have anything to do with it...  Can avoiding foods you're used to eating make you cranky??  I mean, yes I'm avoiding dairy, but I am taking a calcium supplement for that... and I make sure to eat fresh fruits and veggies every day, and plenty of protein... so I don't know if I'm still missing something (is there a "happy" vitamin?), or if my subconscious is just really mad that I'm not eating cheese or sweets....  haha.

I've decided to ease back into skim milk again.  I miss it so much... and I think a healthy-ish cereal is a better choice over the pastries I've been reaching for... I just don't feel like making eggs (or eating them) between 6-7 am.... makes me want to GAG! 

Anyway, this was just a rant.  You've all been so encouraging to me, I don't want you for a second to think I'm reaching out for even more.  I just wanted to put the disclaimer out there, that I'm in yet another funk, and I've been MIA on your blogs.... I apologize, and I will try to make amends ASAP.

On a happier note, I'm getting great responses to the first section of my YA WIP, Anemone! That should perk me up to keep going at it... right?

Not Another Funk!?!

:::Insert picture of hair pulling here:::

You write and write, you get criticism, you revise, you write some more, you get more positive critiques, you revise again, you get even MORE positive critiques and are assured your story even has FANS waiting anxiously for the next chapter...

You submit the first chapter and a query letter to someone involved in the publishing industry for critique, they give you some interesting suggestions, some you agree with, some you might agree with tomorrow, some you might never, and while they think your writing is okay, you may have to write a few more novels before you get anywhere...

As writers, we KNOW this happens. We hear about it every day. We EXPECT it to happen to us. But when it does, it's a kick backwards. You tug at your hair, you picture yourself pursuing an alternate career, remind yourself that you don't want to, and go buy a couple of lottery tickets for the off-chance you win millions, can quite your job, and actually spend the amount of time necessary on writing that it will take to get published.

It's just frustrating when you think your writing is really getting strong, only to be told you have a long way to to go. But, it was only one person, and I need to treat it like I do any critique. Look at it seriously, understand why certain things were pointed out, and figure out which changes to make for the story to be as solid as possible.

And as agent Kristin Nelson said on her blog today, "Just remember that no matter how an agent responds to your pages today, this is not the make or break moment of your career. The greatest thing about writing is that you can grow and mature in your ability."

I really want to be that writer that's undeterred by harsh criticisms... I really do. And I think on the whole, I am. But the initial blow does make me lose my footing for a day or two (and pout).

What about you? Have any of you been met with the fangs of the forces that be?

Did you abandon your project to work on something else, or channel that adversity into becoming a revising machine?!

New Goals and Funky Moods

I apologize to the handful of you who enjoy the usual Fanged Friday edition to this blog, but I'm just not feeling it today. I enjoyed the episode (I enjoy any episode where Damon shows intense emotion and I am just WAITING for the day when he grabs Elena and kisses her and she LIKES it! lol.), but I'm just in one of those FUNKS.

This funk has been going on for several days - and I'm not sure if it's related to the things I've cut out of my diet (cheese, most chips, excess breads, tortillas, excess sweets, etc.), just being frustrated with my lack of progress in the weight-loss department in general, my writing anxieties, or all the rain we've been getting. Maybe it's a combo.

I'm kickin it up a few more notches, and setting more goals. Goals with no expiration dates.

In the weight loss world: I really need to be more positive. I've had a crappy attitude recently, very negative. A lot of people who are overweight struggle to get that last 10-15 pounds off, right? Well, what happens for those of us who are starting at that last 10-15 pounds? We can't get it off either!!! If any of you have any miracle solutions (cutting certain things out, eating certain other things, hours of exercise per week, etc) that worked for this, please share. I've gotten a personal trainer, I've cut down my calories, cut out certain foods as listed above... And I've lost 2 pounds. TWO POUNDS in two months. Can I tell? No. Did I recently just purchase the largest pants I've ever purchased in my life? Yes. Was I dangerously close to having a meltdown in the dressing room? Yes. I need help.

In the writing world: I've been ignoring my completed novel, Between the Letters, and I am feeling it. We've all heard about how many novels authors write before they get one published, and since this is my first - it took me four years, and I pretty much learned to write while writing it - I've convinced myself it wasn't going anywhere, and I ingored it. This is no way to be. It's a good story. I've been told it's a GREAT story. I owe it to my hard work to see it through to the agent rejections. And here is my plan:
It's roughly 30 chapters, most of them between 5-10 pages long. Each day, I am focusing on one chapter at a time, revising, making sure the verbs are ACTIVE, editing, giving my MC more personality, filling in gaps, deleting the crap.... I finished the prologue and chapter 1 lastnight, and I'm once again falling for my story. I think the 1 chapter a day pacing will keep me sane, and within a month, it should get to where it needs to be to submit. I'm starting to perk up already.

Anyway... sorry for the rant. I'm open to suggestions in the weight loss dept. Funny that once upon a time, I saw myself as the motivator for this. Yeah, that didn't last very long. lol!

*Please don't misunderstand - I'm a very thankful person. Thankful for general health, family and friends... freedom. I do understand that I am blessed at this time in my life, so please don't take offense to this post of a funky mood.

Happy Olympics and Valentine's Weekend!