Fanged Friday

Mystic Falls 1864

Katherine: Damon, pretend you’re hurt here in the middle of the road in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night and we’ll wait for some unsuspecting coachman to approach and I’ll show you how to suck their blood. This will be fun! Who’s hungry!?

Damon: I uh… I…

Katherine: Kiss me.

Damon: But there’s man-blood all over your face. Let me wipe it off.

Katherine: Kiss my bloody mouth or I’ll kill you right now!

Damon: Well, when you put it like that…

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Present Day

Ben: Why did you choose me? Out of everyone to turn, why me?

Anna: Because I needed your help, and I thought you were cute.

Ben: Kiss me.

Anna: Ehh… I said I thought you were cute. But your usefulness has since proved, well, useless. You haven’t even found the witch’s spell book.

Ben: I’m not useless! That witch, Bonnie, is totally into me. I’ll seduce her and kidnap her and you’ll have your book!

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1864

Damon: Stefan, look how gracefully I can pull off the look of this time period. But you…

Stefan: I know! My eyebrows are too dark for my hair color and these high-waist trousers don’t do anything for my figure.

Daddy Salvatore: Cease this bickering now! Damon, you are such a disappointment.

Damon: Thank you, father. Now I will spend the rest of eternity trying my hardest to prove you right.

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Present Day

Damon: Look in my dazzling eyes. Can I trust Stefan?

Elena crosses fingers: Of course you can trust him. And your mind tricks won’t work. I’m wearing Essence of the Toxic Flower.

Damon: But you must admit, I am dazzling.

Elena: Yes… I’ll admit to that. Dude! You just grazed my boob!

Damon: Hey, I was just trying to get to the sink! Accidental boob graze!

Elena: That was not accidental.

Damon: Kiss me.

Elena: Darn! Stefan is here. Just… hold that thought.

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1864

Stefan: Why is Katherine writhing on the floor?! How did that happen?!

Daddy Salvatore: I’ve been feeding you the toxic flower! I knew you were a Vampire sympathizer! Where have I failed?

Stefan: Well, your first mistake was buying me these awful pants!

Daddy Salvatore: Burn the vamps!

Anna: No!

Emily: Shhh! I will protect them! One day, you and Damon will release them from their tomb!

Damon: This is all your fault, Stefan! I will never trust you again! For as long as we both shall live undead!

Stefan: Ditto!

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Present Day

Stefan: For the past 145 years, I’ve lost my brain and trusted Damon again and again. It’s never turned out well. He's just so much smarter than I am.

Elena: Dang. I forgot you were that old. That’s kind of gross.

Stefan: We must recover the spell book buried with my father. I know my legs can run faster than the eye can see, but my arms can’t seem to wield a shovel quite so quickly.

Damon: Well lookie, lookie. Give me the spell book, Stefan, or I’ll snap her pretty neck and you and I will both have a new vampire girlfriend. And BONUS, she looks just like our ex lover.

Elena: I am so SICK of hearing that! Can either of you just love me for ME?!

Stefan: Fine, Damon. Take the silly pink book and release your ex lover. You get Katherine, I have Elena, and we’ll both be happy.

Elena: Stefan, you saved me!

Stefan: He wouldn’t have killed you. He loves you. You look-

Elena: Like his ex lover, I KNOW. Kiss me.

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Fanged Friday

Since I had so much fun spoofing The Vampire Diaries last week, I couldn't keep myself from making it a weekly addition to Kristin Creative :) If you missed last week's, the labels are on the right down toward the bottom... like, all the way down there. It's under Fanged Friday.

Enjoy!

Elena: So, I’m still freaked out about the new vampire in town that I hit with my car. You really don’t know who he is?

Stefan: No. There’s a lot I don’t know. I’m not nearly as smart as my brother, or as handsome. But thank you for choosing me, by the way. It helps my self esteem. Now, take these pieces of jewelry laced with toxic flowers, so you and your friends can’t be controlled by the evil vampires. And take your great grandfather’s tricked out compass.

Elena: A compass? But I don’t want to go hiking.

Stefan: You don’t? Hmmm. Well, use it to point to Vampires then.
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Jeremy: Oh, hey pizza-delivery-boy. Please, step into my house and leave the pizzas there on the table, because it’s completely natural to let a stranger come in.
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Elena: Darn it! Why am I such a vampire magnet! What does he want with me?

Stefan: I told you, I don’t know ANYTHING!

Damon: Here’s the deal: whoever he is, he has to die. Your stupid brother invited him in, now this house is in danger. Maybe I erased more than just a few memories from Jeremy's brain.

Elena: Well, now both of you have to come with me to the ‘50’s dance. I will entice the hoodie-wearing vamp with my fancy hair and ribbons, and you two will strike.
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Anna: So, do you love me yet? Because I was hoping to borrow your family’s journal.

Jeremy: No. And I don’t have it. I let Alaric read it because I have zero judge of character.

Anna: Don’t make me angry or I’ll bite you!

Jeremy: Whoa. I think you have pink-eye. You should get that looked at.
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Noah: Hello Elena. Ditch Thing 1 and Thing 2, and meet me in the hall, or you can kiss your brother goodbye.

Elena: Why me?

Noah: Because you look like my ex-lover.

Elena: I’ve been getting that a lot lately. Now hold still while I attempt to kill you with these freshly sharpened #2 pencils. Drat! It didn’t work! Let me try this broomstick that I just broke over my knee. Blast! Foiled again!

Stefan: Don’t worry, Elena! I am going to save you just before his teeth get to your neck because it’s more exciting that way! Thank you for prepping the broomstick! This is good training for your future vampire days.

Damon: So… what’s the significance of what you’ve been doing exactly?

Noah: She looks like my ex-lover, Katherine. That’s right, fools. You weren’t the only ones that loved her.

Stefan: You are so dead!
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Damon: Why are you lurking in the halls and peeking through windows?

Alaric: Uh…

Damon: I’m going to control your mind with my stunningly beautiful eyes and ask you a few questions that you won’t remember.

Alaric: I sure am glad I’m holding this toxic flower and you only THINK I’m being controlled. Thank God I took that acting class in college. And now I know for sure what you really are.
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Ben: What happened to Noah?

Anna: Karma. And the Salvatore brothers.

Ben: Did you get the journal from your boyfriend yet?

Anna: Gag. No, but I know who to kill to get it. Does it look like I have pink-eye?

Ben: No.

Anna: Then kiss me.
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Alaric: I want to like you, but I’m still hung up on my dead wife. She was murdered by a vampire.

Jenna: Hey I get it. My ex actually was a vampire.

Alaric: I’ll try not to talk about Isabel anymore.

Jenna: Isabel? Yikes. That would sort of make you Elena’s step-dad. And that’s icky, because I’m her aunt.
----
Elena: Who knew I was so tough? I mean, who can wield a #2 Paper Mate like I can?

Stefan: Yeah, that was pretty hot.

Elena: Kiss me.





I plan on announcing the 100 followers contest tomorrow, so be on the lookout!!
Happy (Fanged) Friday!

Fanged Friday

Finally one of my guilty pleasure TV shows is back... The Vampire Diaries! Here's my version of the haps from lastnight's episode:

Elena: Darn the luck, I've gotten in another car accident! But wait! Why is the man that I hit reassembling himself and approaching me?! I wish I could scream! I wish I could take off my seatbelt, but I'm upside down and my head's bleeding!

Damon: I'm your hero!

Elena: Who was that?

Damon: I have no idea. I let him get away. I'll hunt him down in another episode.

Elena: What makes you think you can just take me to Georgia?

Damon: Well, I'm beautiful, and immortal, and I can pretty much do whatever I want. Besides, you look just like my ex-lover, and frankly, I like it.

Elena: Fine, but only because I'm angry with your less beautiful brother and I secretly like to look at you, too. By the way, I'm gonna pretend I'm legal and get totally trashed. Hint, hint.

Stefan: Let me talk to Elena!

Damon: Dude, she hates you. I'm in, you're out.
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Jeremy: I really can't think about a relationship right now... I was recently totally dumped. [ Somewhere in my head are trapped memories waiting to escape of my druggie ex-Vicki...Vicki the Vampire. ] And vampires aren't real anyway. You're a liar.

Anna: No I'm not! Here's proof!

Jeremy: OMG your grandpa was just as crazy as mine was. We're kindred spirits. But I still can't date you thanks to that dark cloud of distrust and the damage my brain has sustained from my former life of repeatedly escaping my problems with hallucinogens.

Anna: You WILL believe me. I'll make you. You WILL love me. I'll make you.
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Bree: Your arch nemesis is here! Come kill him now before I sleep with him again!
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Lee: My name is Lee! You killed my girlfriend! Prepare to die! SMACK!

Damon: UNGH!

Elena: NO! Please! Don't kill this beautiful man! He's my ride back home!

Lee: I must!

Elena: Lexi wouldn't want you to!

Lee: Well, okay.
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Elena: I saved your life. You owe me a kiss.

Damon: If I kiss you, I'll bite you, and I'm saving that for later when I can enjoy it.

Elena: Fine. Take me home then so I can kiss your emotionally constipated brother.
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Elena: You're such a liar Stefan. What else haven't you told me?

Stefan: I saved your life before I met you. Then I stalked you. You look like my ex-lover.

Elena: The same ex-lover Damon had?

Stefan: Yes, we share.

Elena: I'll try to remember that.

Stefan: By the way, you were adopted, which proves that you are a direct descendant of my ex-lover who must have reproduced before I knew her. But I love you now, no matter who you came from.

Elena: Kiss me.


Sigh. Watching The Vampire Diaries makes me feel like I'm back in high school, watching Roswell and Everwood and all those other WB/CW nightmares that I was addicted to. And I LOVE it.
Anyone else watch this show? I haven't read the books yet, and I'm wondering how closely it follows.

Goal Tracking:
Writing: editing editing!
Weight: no results yet... getting frustrated but not giving up!!
Reading: close to finishing my ARC of Truly, Madly. It's pretty good.